I met my significant other through an internet dating service. In the three years we’ve been together, we’ve talked often about the amazing similarities between internet dating and the internet job search.
In the examples below, can you figure out which descriptions belong to internet dating and which ones to the internet job search? It’s a trick question, they all apply to both.
The initial anticipation—When you first click on the site to read about all the possible prospects, it’s exciting and interesting. You spend too much time trying to interpret what is really being said. Your mind wanders about how awesome this could turn out!
Careful reading of the profile— Once you start learning more details, you quickly eliminate the prospects that aren’t a match and begin to anticipate the desirable prospects. You contact the most interesting prospects and wait impatiently for a response.
Initial Communication— After several rejections, you finally receive a positive response. All right! It’s getting real now and you want to show your enthusiasm while not sounding desperate. You prevent yourself from replying “Yes, I can be anywhere you want me to be, at any time.”
The phone interview— This is the first chance for you and your prospect to answer the question “Does this person sound normal?”
The In-Person Meeting— You immediately begin to stress over what you’re going to wear because how you dress for the first meeting is important. The goal is to be appropriate and memorable… in a good way. You want the person you meet to say, “I like her (him)” or “I’d like to get to know that person better.” You don’t want to be reduced to “the woman with the jangly jewelry,” “the guy with too much cologne” or worse “that odd duck.”
Emotional investment—You must have a positive attitude or that first meeting will fall flat. At the same time, you can’t be too open. This first meeting may be the last time you want to see this person. So you need to be upbeat, yet ready for either one of you to think, “I don’t think this is going to work.”
When it Doesn’t Work—When the first meeting doesn’t click, you return to the internet pile. After enduring several failed first meetings, the search process that was once full of anticipation develops a dull sameness and you begin to make faster decisions based on less information. You have learned that your hopeful vision of these prospects isn’t necessarily who or what they are.
Reading through hundreds of profiles sharpens your judgment but leaves scars of cynicism.
A positive attitude takes more effort to display. But you make the effort and trudge on to the next profile.
When it Does Work—You’ve finally found an appealing one… maybe even “the” one. Both parties learn of and accept the baggage of former relationships. You enjoy the early days of getting to know each other. You both feel good about the decision to get together and everything is going great! You ask yourself why it took so long to reach what seems like a natural conclusion. Then you realize that the entire search activity is a process. After all the frustration, you understand that it’s not always efficient but ultimately, it’s effective. And it feels great!
But you’re not done—Don’t get complacent. You must be ready for your next challenge: Can you maintain a mutual interest in each other over the long haul, after you really know each other? Is this relationship a “keeper” or just a hot flame that quickly goes cold?
These are my observations from these parallel worlds. What similarities have you experienced?
